Many years ago I won a photography session at a silent auction. I picked a color scheme for the family, found the perfect outfits and set the date. I don’t remember how old the kids were at the time but they were old enough to have strong opinions and feed off of each other. Before we were in the car, one was complaining about his clothes and the other one burst into tears as her brother bantered on. It was a hot a mess. And so was I. It was a time of stress, health issues and general unhappiness with my life. To look at me, you wouldn’t know. So, determined to get the perfect picture, I threatened and argued with the kids while my man tried to ease the tension. Not one of my finer moments. We faked our way through the photoshoot, climbed back into the car and drove home in silence. Just writing this, my heart aches. You too with the fake family photo? I feel ya.
Weeks later, I received the CD in the mail. I loaded it up on the computer with excitement and stared into the eyes of 4 unhappy people. I could not bear to look at the pictures. I threw the CD away before anyone knew I even had it. And we never spoke of that photoshoot again.
So I ask you, what are you looking at? Are the photos surrounding you bringing good memories or are they reminding you that your family was hungry, uncooperative or that the trip was a disaster? Believe me when I say that the art in your home matters. You are receiving the vibe of that photo, painting and word art without even realizing it. It is all settling into your unconscious mind and setting the tone for your life.
What do you see when you look at this painting? This hung in a client’s spare bedroom that resided in her Love & Relationships corner. She shared that she was longing for a companion. I walked in, facing this painting and I may have let out a gasp. We talked about how this was the first painting that she purchased when she separated from her husband and it represented freedom (of course it did, note the flag). It also represented her striking out on her own and taking in her favorite place, the ocean. She went on to say that she simply put it in here because it fit and did not feel the attachment to it that she once did. Phew, because this painting was headed to the donation pile. We took it off the wall, set it aside for her to donate and moved on through the rest of her house. I explained that she was asking to stay solitary with the one chair, the one hat. A few months later, while on our check in call, she laughed about the painting and confirmed that it had been donated. Then she coyly mentioned to me that she had met someone. Hmmmm, interesting.
Take a walk around your home and see what your surroundings are saying to you, about you, about your life. I don’t miss those pictures because I have plenty of happy ones to enjoy. I also never worry about what we wear in family photos. Lesson learned.
The tears flow freely this morning as I send my son off to practice and I check in on my sweet girl as she sleeps in, oh so soundly. I let it all go as I shower and get ready for the day hoping the fancy shampoo will wash it all away. I lean on twenty minutes of meditation to soothe me. Today, I cry. I honor the dark and the light of these tears - the sadness of loss, the happiness of who is here. The judgement of others, the amazing women I have spent time with this week. The failure, the success. The knowing and the not. The darkness, the light.
Just like my Dad, I am a crier. This morning is comfortable for me - and necessary. I gather myself and although I feel the heaviness linger, I am better for the love that surrounds me, the impact I am making in this world and the ability to let the tears flow. These tears remind me that I am whole, alive and moving forward. Doing my best.
I step out before the rain to breathe in the fresh air. I take notice of a spot of daffodils straightening themselves up. I found them creeping out from under a rock the other day. We removed the rock and they are recovering from meeting a force that they needed to work around. They did not fret about being blocked from the light, they just found a way to reach for it. So today, while the clouds roll in and the rain falls, I will reach for the light in the best way I know how. A few more tears, leftover pizza, a nap and a bit of work.
And…Mom, as you read this, know that I am fine. Just being a Bird.